workaholic

a pit-pat on the screen
with eyes blinking
adjusting
slowly
to the white
light
of LED

coffee spilled
on some notes
with scribbling
marked as
urgent
while
a mobile phone
alarm
beeped incessantly
showing
time
to be way past 10pm

cool air
penetrating
through drone
like sounds
of airconditioning
while the road
outside
seemed to
grow
more silent
by the minute

a man with his
head
on the table
amidst clutter
and spilled coffee
was suddenly
awakened by
the ringing
of a phone

a broken
promise to
be home
by nine

the shrill sound
of a siren
on the background
drowned
by the words
of a woman
a doctor
telling him
the missus
met an accident
while he
was busy
with paper
now
meaningless

as the screen
showed a pit-pat
with eyes blinking
tears
and a realization
that its now
too late
to keep
a promise

Looking Younger Memoirs-1: Avocado Magic

Everyone wants to stop time from showing on their faces. Even those who say "bah humbug" still end up staring at the mirror and wondering how those lines, spots, and everything else that wasn't there when you were three managed to show up now. Yes, you still might have the same size of eyes since you were one, but your skin has began to manifest the years. Why did I choose to write about aging and our obsession to stop it? Blame yahoo and the television screen. :)

photo by" Tom Hussey for Novartis

And so I have decided to compile what I have seen and remembered from my childhood days about alternative remedies and methods to look younger and feel better.

I am starting with memoir number 1, The Avocado.

I was a kid when I first saw an attempt to stop time from catching up. I opened up the fridge looking for some avocado to mix with some ice and milk when I found out there was none left.

Turns out my aunt, used it all up.
The green mashed up mixture was splattered on her face while she slept at the couch. She looked like Princess Fiona of Shrek minus the ears...kidding.

The naive kid then asked her aunt why her face was eating her snack. She pinched me on my chubby cheeks and told me, she needed the pinkish glow for a date later in the evening.

Confused, I left her alone and decided to rummage the fridge for something else. The search ended up with just ice, some peanut butter and a pack of dried fish.

I figured playing Power Rangers was a much satisfying option. After countless fake battles with the rangers (I was Rita Repulsa: the villainess)

we were surprised to hear my aunt screaming.

I ran and saw her rinsing the green goo out of her face as if it was the most revolting thing on this planet.

She got her pink glow alright, she got it from a bunch of angry ants which feasted on her face while she overslept.

But for those of you who want to try it out for themselves minus the creepy crawlers, here's
what I remembered from my aunt a couple of eons ago, oh, and don't worry, this one does work.

My Aunt's Recipe
Mix 3 tbsps of mashed or blended avocado with 3 tbsps of honey until smooth. If the mixture is too thick, you can add a little bit of coconut oil or olive oil to smoothen it up. Mix well. Wash your face with warm water (got this from my other aunt who told me it opens up the pores. Pat dry with a soft towel using upward strokes then apply the mixture using a brush or using your hands. Spread evenly and rinse with cold water (to close the pores and lock in moisture) after 20-30 minutes.

But if you still are doubtful of my aunt's mixture, here's one from expertvillage taken from youtube.




do not forget the following:
Use only ripe avocados. my aunt used raw ones which lead to too much green stuff caking and falling off her face leading to a barrage of ants and bite marks afterwards.

Other Beauty and Medicinal Uses of avocado for personal experimentation

Experiment 1: Instead of cucumber thinly slice avocados after removing the seed and place below the eyes. Let stay for 20 minutes
claim:removes puffiness and dark undereye circles

Experiment 2 To lessen irritation and swelling from skin allergies, wipe the skin of the avocado to the affected area. Leave for 5-10 minutes then rinse.
claim: natural cure for allergies and inflammation including dermatitis

Experiment 3: Mix eggwhite, 2 tbsps of oatmeal, 1 tbsp of calamansi or lemon juice and a quarter of an avocado until smooth. Use as scrub for the hands.
claim: smoother and softer hands. removal of dead skin cells

For those with oily skin, substitute the honey from my aunt's mixture with egg white.
For those with dry skin, substitute the egg white with egg yolk.

For those with dull hair, blend the avocado together with 1 tbsp virgin coconut oil or olive oil, 1 egg yolk, and and spread evenly on your hair, cover with a shower cap for 20 minutes and rinse. Here's a cool vid from bubzbeauty at youtube on how to make the mask.




My nutritionist and vegan aunt also told me last 2005 that there are a lot of nutrients,mainly phosphorus and some B vitamins that could be found on avocados. If you want a cheap facelift, she told me this fruit was the cheaper alternative and at 2-3 times a week, its better than having botox. It increases skin elasticity and at the same time the oil moisturizes and reduces inflammation which later on leads to wrinkles and lines.

With the onslaught of photoshopped and chemical laden creams in the market nowadays, why not give this fruit a try then go out and brag how you did it naturally?

Just don't forget to check the area for ants first. ;)

3 to 4 in the morning

Image from Photoshop Art @ Flickr

The clock on the right side of my laptop changed from 3:42 to 3:43am. From a distance the roosters echoed out their orchestrated shouts while I heard the door of my bathroom creaking, its hinges rusty from water sprayed during bath time.

My brain began to fall slowly to slumber. To the place where people had wings and each scene changed from happy to bad to weird in less than a minute. Inception? Or perhaps just wide awake and dreaming. I looked around and the only light I see is my screen and a mobile charger with an eerie blue glow.

Yes, I am still wide awake.

But my fingers moved on their own, a pit pat on the keyboard while my fan whirred incessantly. I managed to blink my lids, my eyes fighting my brain against going back towards the covers where pillows and sheep jumping over fences waited.

There's too much going on inside my brain. I browsed through facebook, then to a finance forum, then through blogger. My thoughts a jumble of status updates, bus explosions at Manila, to stock prices snapping back up after a five day low.

Everybody seemed to have their own say on everything.

People calling for attention or perhaps just voicing out the random nerve impulses their brains send to their hands. Happy, sad, excited, proud, or just selling a few colored shoes at bargain prices. Either way, the status updates showed a group of people I am connected with. Either by blood or friendship, they echo my ramblings, like a gong vibrating loud.

Loud. Politicians and every civic group are all crying out for justice over a bomb placed below a bus seat leaving 2 dead. Despite intel, people focused on the latest entertainment news and who got married with whom, nobody got cautious of 2 people riding a bus with a bag and leaving without it. Fear is present and alive.

Alive and resurrected from after 5 days of watching red, I grinned like a Cheshire cat upon seeing green on the ticker screen this morning. Celebration and cash flowing in, the Philippines' stock market thrived on good news. As of yesterday morning, the good news was people are much more optimistic about the government. The foreign investors thought so too.

I am happy that they did.
I am hoping they still think so until today.

Today, my eyes fight to stay awake battling my brain. A hardheaded pair trying to control the center of my thoughts. But as the winner stood proud over the defeated, my eyelids begin to slowly close. White flag waving up and down.

The sound of a motorcycle woke me up again. I muttered a prayer to please make tomorrow much better than today as the clock on the right side of my laptop now showed 4:06.

From a distance the roosters could still be heard, my bathroom door creaked, a dog barked...

and I know my prayer had been heard.

love

Love-an intense feeling of deep affection with 125,000,000 people searching for it or its related term every month at google. If you look at google images for pictures of it, there's 1,580,000,000 images for it.

Surprised?
I don't think so.

Look at what's currently trending at yahoo and you'd find love poems as one of them (that is as of 3:57am this morning).

Everybody it seems is looking for it, is wanting to define it, is wanting to put it in words, or is just plain depressed because of it. Either way, it can be manifested in many forms.

The first encounter I had with the word was when I was 5. There was this song on the radio that went with the lines " I'll make love to you, like you want me to and I'd hold you tight, baby all through the night..." As children literally interpreted everything based on their innocence, I concluded "love" at that age to be hugging someone close to you at night. Kinda like my mom giving me that warm bear hug before saying good night. Imagine my mom's reaction when she heard me singing that song at home...hehe...

In a country where the late night news displays killings, robberies, and corruption 70% of the time and afternoon gossip is more of what's happening at the local entertainment grapevine, one could not help but think why stories of "love" rarely make it to the news nowadays.

If 125,000,000 are searching monthly for it, why then is it not commonly on the news?

Some look for it at one point in their lives or even their entire lives
Some shrug it off and decide that the pain left by it is more than enough to not look for it again.
Some are lucky to have it but they're too busy still looking for it
Some keep on playing until they realize they've run out of players
Some believe it would come
Some would try to define it
Some would try to live it
Some keep their fingers crossed for second chances

Some look at it as sacrifice
Some see it through 1 Corinthians 13:1-13
Some see it in faith
Some see it in relationships
Some see it in material possessions
Some know it when they are happy with what they are doing

I can go on and on all morning trying to define it.
But for me it all comes down to these 5 statements

1. Love is waking up each day to another chance
2. Love is a hug, a kiss, or an arm on your shoulder letting you know that no matter what happens, you'd always have someone or people who would never give up on you
3. Love is giving the last cookie up (if you were cookie monster). :)
4. Love is happiness and pain combined in a blender...hehe...
5. Love for me might be different for what it may mean to you. It is highly subjective, prone to arguments and debates, and makes the smartest people dumb and the dumbest people would be rocket scientists...

but it all boils down to one meaning though...

you never would have truly lived if you hadn't loved.:)

24 things i learned at 24

1. Your best look could be that out of bed bum look when you wake up every morning.
   
2. When you’ve finally convinced yourself you’ve grown up, you realize you’re still a kid at heart
   
3. You have more friends but less real ones
   
4. The career is good but you can’t also wait to get away sometimes.
   
5. You sometimes make the rules as you go along (and oh, break some too)
   
6. You begin thinking about that bulge that was non-existent when you were seventeen…and wonder, how did it ever get to be like that anyway?
   
7. Coffee in paper cups seems very much a must
   
8. You have all the world to choose from, but some bills somehow get in the way
   
9. You actually learn how to put on good make up, strut your stuff in high heels, and dress like you’re a million bucks.
   
10. You are starting to get this mild case of alzheimers and start forgetting how to spell simple words
    
11. You realize that cafeteria food is floating on fat and though that posh resto costs too much, its better to splurge cash on something less greasy for awhile
    
12. Dark chocolate tastes much better than the sweet milk bars.
    
13. There’s no harm in flaunting what you were given
    
14. You could get into other people’s nerves even if you did not do anything
    
15. You try pleasing everyone and you get that pile of paper work on your desk because you could never say no
    
16. Somehow you’re more sure of where you are going but could never seem to figure out how to get there
    
17. Your wardrobe needs some new additions almost every other month
    
18. Spas are good places to relax to, only if you don’t have a sadistic masseause to contend with
    
19. You drink to all that you have lost and toast it up to it not being worth your time anyway
    
20. You see less of the sun on your way home
    
21. You’re done pretending to be someone you are not
    
22. The night news is bound to make you feel bad (shouldn’t they add good news too?)
    
23. You never did know how to cook the way your mom did.
    
24. And lastly that you never are ever too old enough to be stop learning…you’re still stuck with ABCs in the form of management problems…and your crayons when you get real fed up.

Felicity

I was hooked up on the TV show felicity way back highschool. For one, the song that u are hearing right now is a personal favorite and its from that show. And a Filipina sang it! Proudly Filipina go! But I always loved the show because during that time I could very well relate to it, it pierced deep and probably until now there is still that part of me who could very much understand how felicity felt. Sigh if only love stories always do have happy endings.

Enough of the mush...here are some of my favorite quotes from the show, they're the best if not the most heartwarming...if not the funniest...and they're my top 10

1. The hardest part about moving forward is not looking back.
2. That would have been hard. I mean, how do you tell somebody you're trying to steal their boyfriend?
3. I guess when your heart gets broken, you sort of start to see the cracks in everything. I'm convinced that tragedy wants to harden us, and that our mission is to never let it.
4. I guess I'm learning, little by little, that we decide what our lives are going to be. Things happen to us, but it is our reactions that matter.
5. Domestication is the enemy of romance.
6. Noel: And your hair's not so bad.
Felicity: Liar, you hate it.
7. Ben, everybody has to figure out who they are eventually.
8. I've become a real believer in not defining every single thing. Seems like everytime you think you've figured out what something is, it just becomes something else.
9. Felicity: You know that stuff will kill you.
Noel: Something will. Might as well be cheese spray.
10. Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.

the 90s and the music...sigh...i was so pathetic back then

Back in the 90s, the stars sang songs like this, and rocked our worlds




There were even those who donned songs promoting family planning

take note of the lines..."come a little bit closer baby...get it on...get it on...cause tonight, is the night...when two become one..."



some of my friends even danced to this tune during senior's night in highschool, now all of them are in denial they did it..hehe...



as for us girls, we were forced to don mini skirts and spandex to dance this...
(sigh) she was every girl's idol way back and was every old man's fantasy...hehe...now i really dunno what happened to her...probably she got lost in the lyrics..."and to lose all my senses...that is just so typically me...oops i did it again"


Now, there is less of the weird costumes and hair...and left eye from TLC died in a car accident...



Britney's tabloid material
Lance from NSYNC admitted he's gay

and Beyonce still is rocking on...

so much for the 90s, i wish 2008 would bring about a fit of much memorable divas, personalities, and laughs i could tell my kids later on.

Small Prayers, why they work, and why they sometimes dont

As I was surfing the net and at the same time asking God on what I should do with my life as of the moment (i will be jobless by christmas), I stumbled upon the article at washingtonpost.com with the title "Small Prayers Get Answered". It caught my attention so I decided to read on. It was about a man who had lost a yellow hat for years and prayed to God that his hat be found. The next day he was offered a temporary job at his dentist and while he was about his menial tasks, he saw his hat, all dusty and old above his dentist's cabinet. Surprise! Surprise! But yes, his small prayer got answered.

Inspired by the hat story, I decided to continue on searching the net for just about anything that would be related to prayer. I wanted to look for a prayer to help me find a job immediately after I lost this one. And yes, like that prayer that the man prayed, i prayed that i would find what he (the lord) wants to tell me now considering my situation and the website blogthebible.com got my attention. The title of the blog was "Why Prayers Don't Work" Phew! Twas a complete contradiction of what I read on the previous site with the yellow hat thing. But it got my attention and so I read on, convinced that along those lines, there would be answers.

The site was an interesting read. But what it basically implied was our prayers sometimes do not work because we fear too much, and we trust less. The fact that we lack belief on ourselves and on the power of the divine adds up to it not coming true. If one therefore believed in his heart of hearts that his prayer would come true, it wont just be the Lord working, it would also be the person himself. Then comes the power of positive thinking. A man they say thinketh and so he becomes. Thus, if we desire to be successful, we must act to be one, and continuously believe with the help of the Lord that indeed we could be.

Then it got me into thinking that indeed there was some point to what Dakotta (the blogger's name) was saying. Based from experience, only those that I really really desired and worked hard for became mine. Working hard for something also means that one is affirming the need for it in one's life. That there is a reason big enough that it should be given to you.

Before I read the article, I had doubts regarding what would happen to me afterwards. I am the kind who makes sure everything is in place, I am the kind who makes sure that there are no loopholes in what I do. But there are times when things go out of control. That despite all my valiant efforts to succeed, still something wrong comes to show its angry butt. I realized now, that we could only do so little by ourselves, especially if we have doubt. We must believe that we are given all that we need. That we are capable of making our dreams come true. Only then if we believe that we could would it happen. No setback, trial or failure could get in the way of that if you have the drive.

We must have purpose in our lives. Something that is worth living for. Something that is worth praying and believing for. We could do it on our own, but only until when? Which leads me back to my experience now, I was forced to resign out of a job I like, my dad's sick with a thousand bucks a day of medication, and we (my family) are running out of cash fast. Some would say, phew, you sure are one unlucky person, where's the four leaf clover eh? But as for me, after reading what God has wanted me to realize, I now know I could be who I want to be. I now know we'd make it through what we are going through.

When asked during college that if I were given the chance to ask for one of the seven gifts of the holy spirit what would it be and why.

I smiled. Looked back at the facilitator and said just one word.

Faith.

I know my small prayer had worked. God had answered fast. I just need to believe that I can and he can make my bigger prayer come true.

I just need to have faith.
More and more of it.

What they could not take away

To someone stumbling accidentally on this blog, he or she would probably think this girl really is all "emo" and sure has the whole world collapsing down her shoulders. I know its what other people would say, because just awhile ago, I was thinking the same thing. Why was the whole world beginning to collapse on me? What did I do wrong?

Life has this weird way of piercing us with needles. It could either bleed blood or feel as though you have gone on one acupuncture session to relieve your pain. But my life has been more of the needles drawing out blood. My cross has gone heavier in the last few days and though I try hard to be strong and to face the world with my chin held high, I could not stop the tears from falling. I could not help it, though I show my strength, I still am weak.

As of now, I know I have yet alot to learn. Which makes this job probationary. Nobody has shown me the ropes, again, I was on my own, little did I know, I was literally that. On my own. No help from other departments by which you have helped, no concern from people who should have been responsible in the first place. The load was placed on my shoulders, and there is no one there to help me carry but myself. Now, I am deciding not because I feel betrayed, hurt, and left behind, I am deciding because I feel there is no use doing something and giving your heart to an institution who does not care about what you have accomplished anyway but only sees the faults. I feel there is no use in me staying as the system could not be changed, not by someone like me that is.

Am just darn thankful that I found out sooner. At least I only invested five months. But I loved my job here. No, it was not that easy, and no the responsibilities are not that simple as well, but what was worst is that you are left to hang in mid-air without any support from the supposedly people who would support you. It has been hard and I did not expect this to happen. I do not care anymore if the owner said that because he was mad, but the fact that he said it and he shouted it means only one thing. They do not need me here and that I am as indispensible as a room service waiter who had really done something wrong. No, they did not see that their own system has its loopholes. They did not see that the previous one who handled this position did little to change it, even did little to monitor it. All they saw were a few minor details that was not even under my responsibility in the first place. Which is why I decided I had to leave. I had cried enough tears, but I would still hold my head high because though they pay me, they do not own me. I still have my own rights and I am willing to stick to it.

I was surprised upon hearing awhile ago that he has plans of terminating me. He does not even know the whole picture yet he does not even ask for my own reason behind such matter. I was at the other property conducting a food safety seminar and he wanted me out just because he saw some leaking faucets here while I was not around. Do I have to repair the faucets myself? Is it not another department's job? Why then do I have to be blamed for something I do not even handle?

I believe life though its needles sometimes draws blood, will also always be a wheel turning on its own. It would never be the same all the time. Today he holds power, one day, that same power would be the cause of his own downfall. I will not be defeated, nor will I grovel for something that possibly should not have been mine. I will not beg that they keep me in this job. Come Monday, they will see that resignation letter on the office and it will be my time to prove myself. It is not my loss. I know, because only few would fall for this job at such a low pay. My pride is not even worth the salary I receive. Why then think its a complete waste?

The Lord would never leave me. I know he's beside me right now listening to what I am saying. They could take away my job but they could never take away what I have earned on my own. They could never take away my own self respect.

Someday, I will rise on my own two feet and prove them wrong. They could not take that away from me. I will focus on what they could not take, and by the time I am healed, I will be stronger, better and definitely on top of life's little wheel.

food...water...anyone?

This is one more reason why we have to thank God for the food that we can have easily. But in the otherhand....ironicaly, we still waste the food that we buy. I feel very GRATEFUL for what I have today....... We are so Blessed for the wonderful works of God's hand in our life today, just think of this .............. "I felt very fortunate to live in this part of the world. I promise I will never waste my food no matter how bad it can taste and how full I may be. I promise not to waste water. I pray that this little boy be alleviated from his suffering. I pray that we will be more sensitive towards the suffering in the world around us and not be blinded by our own selfish nature and interests. I hope this picture will always serve as a reminder to us about how fortunate we are and that we must never ever take things for granted. Think & look at this...when you complain about your food and the food we waste daily..." MAY ALL HUMAN BEINGS BE FREE FROM SUFFERING!!!! Please don't break this, keep on forwarding it to all our friends. On this good day, let's make a prayer for the suffering in any place around the globe and send this friendly reminder to others.

like i've found one decent man on irc

it all starts with a "hi" or a "hello", and talking to an entirely unknown stranger would begin. today i talked to around 15 of them, and in the middle of conversations the issue of sex would usually be asked...turns out talking or chatting for some people is entirely about imagining yourself getting horny. don't get me wrong, probably some people just really do have needs they could not satisfy physically so they use the keyboard instead... (kidding). but with the entire hour of talking to people from different parts of the globe, i was really surprised to have stumbled on one who really was interesting to talk to.

based on the first paragraph one would think that person i found interesting would probably have talked about stuff other than sex. wrong. that was what we were talking about. but not the physical online sex that is. we talked about the aspect of being with another person, relationships and why men are different from women. and the whole Men are Mars, Women are from Venus kinda stuff. and come to think of it, there really is alot more to men and women that i just realized.

he was really this sensitive guy who had lots of questions only someone of the opposite sex could answer or perhaps clarify. like, if one night stands make a girl feel really bad...or does he have to say sorry or something if he doesnt impress a girl...or is it way much better if he stop fooling around and be serious for a change...and the answers are all up to him anyway. i told him that if it was clear in the first place for both him and the girl that it was just a one night stand then he has nothing to be guilty about. That if the girl feels bad, then she is not mature enough to have agreed on it in the first place. Don't get me wrong, am not that liberated, its just that if u both agreed beforehand then whats the drama about? With regards to the fooling around, I told him it would all be entirely up to him. Fooling around could be fun for some but when ur fooling around with the wrong individuals it could get pretty nasty and end up in spats and disagreements. When one decides to be serious about what he or she wants for a change, I believe then one has probably found what it is that he or she is looking for. Fooling around would then be just for kids.

Then again it all comes down to one thing. Our lives are determined by our decisions and our actions. No, we could not rewind it back, i say to him, but we could learn from whatever it is we've done wrong. One night stands and relationships all have something to do with those decisions, I may be telling him how I feel about such, but then again the decision would be up to him. Whew! I sounded really serious back there.

He was quiet then for awhile then asked me something.
Would i do it with him online?
Phew!

Did i find one decent man on irc?
hmmmm....

u be the judge.

On the edge of nowhere

How can one say that everything is through?
That life has concluded and its time to fall down on your knees to wish that what lies beyond this earth would be more pleasing.
Everyone, yes everyone has to go through this life with a heavy load on the back. Probably its the way this world works, or probably because we allow ourselves to be burdened too much by the fast paced lifestyles we have that we think so. But then the reality is, we all have troubles, we all have doubts, and nobody is perfect.
Perfection. Some would probably define it as seeing those faces on billboards, not a line on their foreheads, teeth all white, or perhaps a new pair of shoes, a gleaming new car or a beauty contestant answering World Peace.
We fail to realize that those faces that we see may just be beauty without attitude, those shoes may have killed a factory worker while it is being done, that car could have automotive defects, and the beauty contestant may just be answering World Peace not because she wants to but because it will give her the crown she's been dreaming on her head since birth.
The bottom line is,
nobody is perfect.
and sooner or later we all find ourselves near the edge.
or much worse,
on the edge
of nowhere.
Well wouldn't? Everybody has problems right?
Then again, we could stop ourselves from being on that edge.
If we accept that life with its own imperfections and scars could prove evidence of how we had lived to survive the years that had passed, then we would be a step off that edge.
If we try to act earlier instead of getting ourselves deep down with nothing to hold on to then we wouldn't be as confused and as out of direction as most of us are in right now.
I have my own share of falling into that nowhere, and its no piece of cake getting out. We fall because of our decisions, of our deeds. But then the past would always seem farther every second and if you look too far at it,it would probably just take you in with it.
I guess, we just have to believe we can get out in whatever problem it is we are in right now.
Yes, it all starts with believing.
Then nothing would be impossible.
And probably, yes probably, we'd find ourselves more on top with success in our hands than
falling
out
on the
edge of nowhere