Small Prayers, why they work, and why they sometimes dont

As I was surfing the net and at the same time asking God on what I should do with my life as of the moment (i will be jobless by christmas), I stumbled upon the article at washingtonpost.com with the title "Small Prayers Get Answered". It caught my attention so I decided to read on. It was about a man who had lost a yellow hat for years and prayed to God that his hat be found. The next day he was offered a temporary job at his dentist and while he was about his menial tasks, he saw his hat, all dusty and old above his dentist's cabinet. Surprise! Surprise! But yes, his small prayer got answered.

Inspired by the hat story, I decided to continue on searching the net for just about anything that would be related to prayer. I wanted to look for a prayer to help me find a job immediately after I lost this one. And yes, like that prayer that the man prayed, i prayed that i would find what he (the lord) wants to tell me now considering my situation and the website blogthebible.com got my attention. The title of the blog was "Why Prayers Don't Work" Phew! Twas a complete contradiction of what I read on the previous site with the yellow hat thing. But it got my attention and so I read on, convinced that along those lines, there would be answers.

The site was an interesting read. But what it basically implied was our prayers sometimes do not work because we fear too much, and we trust less. The fact that we lack belief on ourselves and on the power of the divine adds up to it not coming true. If one therefore believed in his heart of hearts that his prayer would come true, it wont just be the Lord working, it would also be the person himself. Then comes the power of positive thinking. A man they say thinketh and so he becomes. Thus, if we desire to be successful, we must act to be one, and continuously believe with the help of the Lord that indeed we could be.

Then it got me into thinking that indeed there was some point to what Dakotta (the blogger's name) was saying. Based from experience, only those that I really really desired and worked hard for became mine. Working hard for something also means that one is affirming the need for it in one's life. That there is a reason big enough that it should be given to you.

Before I read the article, I had doubts regarding what would happen to me afterwards. I am the kind who makes sure everything is in place, I am the kind who makes sure that there are no loopholes in what I do. But there are times when things go out of control. That despite all my valiant efforts to succeed, still something wrong comes to show its angry butt. I realized now, that we could only do so little by ourselves, especially if we have doubt. We must believe that we are given all that we need. That we are capable of making our dreams come true. Only then if we believe that we could would it happen. No setback, trial or failure could get in the way of that if you have the drive.

We must have purpose in our lives. Something that is worth living for. Something that is worth praying and believing for. We could do it on our own, but only until when? Which leads me back to my experience now, I was forced to resign out of a job I like, my dad's sick with a thousand bucks a day of medication, and we (my family) are running out of cash fast. Some would say, phew, you sure are one unlucky person, where's the four leaf clover eh? But as for me, after reading what God has wanted me to realize, I now know I could be who I want to be. I now know we'd make it through what we are going through.

When asked during college that if I were given the chance to ask for one of the seven gifts of the holy spirit what would it be and why.

I smiled. Looked back at the facilitator and said just one word.

Faith.

I know my small prayer had worked. God had answered fast. I just need to believe that I can and he can make my bigger prayer come true.

I just need to have faith.
More and more of it.

Fall for anything by Jeremy Fisher

i just happened to like the lyrics of this song...its so appropriate for what i feel right now...and yes...i have to stand up for something...or i will also fall for anything



Is the world so big it makes you feel small
Is the hole you dig even deep enough at all
The graveyard's full my grandma used to say
If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything

Is time worth saving in paper dollar bills
Coz we always just done it don't mean we always will
Is it worth singing along if you have a song to sing
If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything

Can one single person make a change if they try
It's true all the martyrs that ever lived already died
Is the road so long we're gonna have to drive
If you don't stand for something you will fall too far behind

Is there meaning in all these words that we say
Is there a reason for living life anyway
Is confusion a state like Iowa or Maine
If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything

Are the waters so rough coz we try to scrub em clean
Do we mean the things we do, do we do the things we mean
When a child is born is it coz she has sinned
If she tries to stand for something will she take the fall for everything

When the day has come and your shadow's lost its light
Will you see in the darkness who was wrong and who was right
Will the devil pay your tab and take you home with him
Coz you either stand for something or you fall for anything

What they could not take away

To someone stumbling accidentally on this blog, he or she would probably think this girl really is all "emo" and sure has the whole world collapsing down her shoulders. I know its what other people would say, because just awhile ago, I was thinking the same thing. Why was the whole world beginning to collapse on me? What did I do wrong?

Life has this weird way of piercing us with needles. It could either bleed blood or feel as though you have gone on one acupuncture session to relieve your pain. But my life has been more of the needles drawing out blood. My cross has gone heavier in the last few days and though I try hard to be strong and to face the world with my chin held high, I could not stop the tears from falling. I could not help it, though I show my strength, I still am weak.

As of now, I know I have yet alot to learn. Which makes this job probationary. Nobody has shown me the ropes, again, I was on my own, little did I know, I was literally that. On my own. No help from other departments by which you have helped, no concern from people who should have been responsible in the first place. The load was placed on my shoulders, and there is no one there to help me carry but myself. Now, I am deciding not because I feel betrayed, hurt, and left behind, I am deciding because I feel there is no use doing something and giving your heart to an institution who does not care about what you have accomplished anyway but only sees the faults. I feel there is no use in me staying as the system could not be changed, not by someone like me that is.

Am just darn thankful that I found out sooner. At least I only invested five months. But I loved my job here. No, it was not that easy, and no the responsibilities are not that simple as well, but what was worst is that you are left to hang in mid-air without any support from the supposedly people who would support you. It has been hard and I did not expect this to happen. I do not care anymore if the owner said that because he was mad, but the fact that he said it and he shouted it means only one thing. They do not need me here and that I am as indispensible as a room service waiter who had really done something wrong. No, they did not see that their own system has its loopholes. They did not see that the previous one who handled this position did little to change it, even did little to monitor it. All they saw were a few minor details that was not even under my responsibility in the first place. Which is why I decided I had to leave. I had cried enough tears, but I would still hold my head high because though they pay me, they do not own me. I still have my own rights and I am willing to stick to it.

I was surprised upon hearing awhile ago that he has plans of terminating me. He does not even know the whole picture yet he does not even ask for my own reason behind such matter. I was at the other property conducting a food safety seminar and he wanted me out just because he saw some leaking faucets here while I was not around. Do I have to repair the faucets myself? Is it not another department's job? Why then do I have to be blamed for something I do not even handle?

I believe life though its needles sometimes draws blood, will also always be a wheel turning on its own. It would never be the same all the time. Today he holds power, one day, that same power would be the cause of his own downfall. I will not be defeated, nor will I grovel for something that possibly should not have been mine. I will not beg that they keep me in this job. Come Monday, they will see that resignation letter on the office and it will be my time to prove myself. It is not my loss. I know, because only few would fall for this job at such a low pay. My pride is not even worth the salary I receive. Why then think its a complete waste?

The Lord would never leave me. I know he's beside me right now listening to what I am saying. They could take away my job but they could never take away what I have earned on my own. They could never take away my own self respect.

Someday, I will rise on my own two feet and prove them wrong. They could not take that away from me. I will focus on what they could not take, and by the time I am healed, I will be stronger, better and definitely on top of life's little wheel.

Bridges of Madison Country

a note posted on wood
saying dinner is at six
she's waiting

a camera on one old pick up
named Harry
a covered bridge shot
sunset mixed with light
orange
red
white
anticipation

dust left on gravel
dinner on the table
a pink dress cut up to the hem
slow tango played
by an accordion
as she danced
he danced
beside yellow formica tables
and candlelight

the feel
of skin on skin
as they danced
hands on her hips
hers on his shoulders

then the tango ended
as the leopard
made her feel
caressed
loved
treasured
more
than what she
had felt
after years
monotonous
marriage

a phone rang
he's coming back
her spouse

then the tango ended
the leopard left
only
footprints
a Nikon camera
pictures
and memories
on a walnut box
as what started from a note
could never be
ever shared

but still the pictures
the memories
the bridges
were in her mind

like the
covered bridges
of madison county
like the medallion
etched with her name
that he wore
like the ashes
that were scattered
over the wind
hers
and his...

at last they were
together
with the only
thing
she had
left

food...water...anyone?

This is one more reason why we have to thank God for the food that we can have easily. But in the otherhand....ironicaly, we still waste the food that we buy. I feel very GRATEFUL for what I have today....... We are so Blessed for the wonderful works of God's hand in our life today, just think of this .............. "I felt very fortunate to live in this part of the world. I promise I will never waste my food no matter how bad it can taste and how full I may be. I promise not to waste water. I pray that this little boy be alleviated from his suffering. I pray that we will be more sensitive towards the suffering in the world around us and not be blinded by our own selfish nature and interests. I hope this picture will always serve as a reminder to us about how fortunate we are and that we must never ever take things for granted. Think & look at this...when you complain about your food and the food we waste daily..." MAY ALL HUMAN BEINGS BE FREE FROM SUFFERING!!!! Please don't break this, keep on forwarding it to all our friends. On this good day, let's make a prayer for the suffering in any place around the globe and send this friendly reminder to others.

INK

I struggled to write words that make sense
As if seeing them make sense
Could actually lessen this emptiness
That vague recollection
of what I had been
and what I should be

My pen scribbles up and down
A rollercoaster on a 0.4 tip
blank ink oozing
But do I know who I am?
Why I write? Why I speak?
No.

Yes.
I read their works.
Those with the fancy wordings and intricate plots
Those who tell about life
the truth
and the fairy dust.
Those with certificates and medals
proclaiming them best.

Best.
They say they did not plan it to be
Their offices were either chrome or steel
or just plain
birds chirping
leaves dancing
to the tune of the wind.
But they wrote. They had thoughts.
Inscribed by ink on paper.
Like me.
Now,
they just happened to be lucky.

Luck.
Once in a while, I think it has gone off far.
Traversing its own way
to leave me alone
gaping dumb
my sorry ass
hoping for it to land
on my palms
like the butterfly with the blue wings
early this morning.

Morning.
My clock says its way past one.
I hear its tick-tock.
A monotonous rhythm.
A reminder that I should close my lids to snuggle
Beneath flowery blankets with edges
mistaken for cheese
by mice.

Mice.
They scurried around my room.
Noses sniffing scents of likely and unlikely aroma
like my feet
after a day's work.
Geniuses with brains the size of my fingernail
outwitting the human ingenuity
of metal and wood
known as traps.

Traps.
Lay in every corner of the mass
of gray and white
matter, science called
a brain.
But words elude them
like mice
munching on my blankets
outwitting my traps
so like my thoughts
and words
that make no sense.

Sense.
I feel less empty now...thoughts start to empty out now
Up
Down
Up
Down
A rollercoaster on a 0.4 tip
Blank ink oozing
oozing
until ink
ran
dry

Over

The sun's rays shone
through paned window sills with
specks of dust and bird droppings
left during the evenings
My bed lay unruly,
pillows
lay
on the floor
discarded
like the alarm that buzzed on
my ear earlier.
My eyes adjusted to the sight
barely making out colors
that danced
in between the sun's rays
as if beckoning me to come
come
come
nearer
nearer
to the edge
and fall
quietly with all the fears
that had been
bottled up
since birth.
Then
the colors scattered
my eyes saw black
and all I heard
were your
screams
Wake up!
Wake
up
but I
fell
down
down
until your voice
was drowned out
from my screams
like
the day
you
said
what is between
u and me
is over...

like i've found one decent man on irc

it all starts with a "hi" or a "hello", and talking to an entirely unknown stranger would begin. today i talked to around 15 of them, and in the middle of conversations the issue of sex would usually be asked...turns out talking or chatting for some people is entirely about imagining yourself getting horny. don't get me wrong, probably some people just really do have needs they could not satisfy physically so they use the keyboard instead... (kidding). but with the entire hour of talking to people from different parts of the globe, i was really surprised to have stumbled on one who really was interesting to talk to.

based on the first paragraph one would think that person i found interesting would probably have talked about stuff other than sex. wrong. that was what we were talking about. but not the physical online sex that is. we talked about the aspect of being with another person, relationships and why men are different from women. and the whole Men are Mars, Women are from Venus kinda stuff. and come to think of it, there really is alot more to men and women that i just realized.

he was really this sensitive guy who had lots of questions only someone of the opposite sex could answer or perhaps clarify. like, if one night stands make a girl feel really bad...or does he have to say sorry or something if he doesnt impress a girl...or is it way much better if he stop fooling around and be serious for a change...and the answers are all up to him anyway. i told him that if it was clear in the first place for both him and the girl that it was just a one night stand then he has nothing to be guilty about. That if the girl feels bad, then she is not mature enough to have agreed on it in the first place. Don't get me wrong, am not that liberated, its just that if u both agreed beforehand then whats the drama about? With regards to the fooling around, I told him it would all be entirely up to him. Fooling around could be fun for some but when ur fooling around with the wrong individuals it could get pretty nasty and end up in spats and disagreements. When one decides to be serious about what he or she wants for a change, I believe then one has probably found what it is that he or she is looking for. Fooling around would then be just for kids.

Then again it all comes down to one thing. Our lives are determined by our decisions and our actions. No, we could not rewind it back, i say to him, but we could learn from whatever it is we've done wrong. One night stands and relationships all have something to do with those decisions, I may be telling him how I feel about such, but then again the decision would be up to him. Whew! I sounded really serious back there.

He was quiet then for awhile then asked me something.
Would i do it with him online?
Phew!

Did i find one decent man on irc?
hmmmm....

u be the judge.

Frogs on Anniversaries

Dos cervezas" he tells the woman on the counter.

The regular or the special, Senor?

The special...

Your eyes followed his gaze, towards the waitress who just took your orders. You smiled. He did too. He then cupped your face in his hand while brushing a strand of hair on your cheek, tracing the outline of your lips feeling the softness that lay there. You breathed heavily, and he drew you nearer into him, his smell a mixture of musk and soap. You slapped him playfully, but he continued still, until his lips graced your ear in a whisper to say...

Happy Anniversary Love...
Your body shivered as his lips found yours.

Here are your drinks Senor...

Slowly you moved away, smiled and looked down at the glass filled with wine. Had he forced you, it would have been simple for you to run away. But he didn't. It was your choice, and a year had gone since it had been.

Hey, are you all right?

You remained silent as your eyes glanced upon a man dining two tables away. You knew him...from a past you wanted to forget. His gaze met yours and you lowered your head.
If only the heart could be taught of whom to love then I guess you'd be less of a liar at this point. But then most of the time it has a will of its own. Despite any amount of reason, it closes its doors to the obvious and yearns for the impossible.

Yes, the impossible.
There have been countless times when you sat pathetic, hoping that the man who sat two tables away from you would look your way as much as your boyfriend is hoping you'd look into his.

Do you love me?
His words broke into your reverie. Holding your hands in his, his fingers ran along your skin. He thought he sensed fear.

Yes, I...I...love you...
the words were faint, almost a whisper.

But he heard it and relaxed.

Its not that you don't love your boyfriend. he was someone who was always there when the other person wasn't. You were a fragile beauty he marked "special" ever since you met. In a year's time has made you feel less of a child and more of woman, a woman basking in attention and love. He is the epitome of someone who would sweep you off yor feet and into his arms.
The "other person" , on the other hand remains as distant and as mysterious as he always was. His eyes, a deep valley of questions never to be answered. But then he has made you feel special once. You floated high above the clouds. It was as if everything was real. And just when you were feeling so high, he burst your balloon and left you to fall back to earth.

Yes, he sent you to the dumps.
Your boyfriend's a prince.
The other one is a frog.
You lifted the glass to your lips, savored the liquids taste.

Then you stopped...paused...and thought...
if you had kissed the frog...

Would he have been your prince?

Nah!

Somewhere but here

sweat trickles down
my back
like icicles melting
to succumb
to the force of
the earth that pulls
pulls
pulls it down
its core
only to become
nothing more
like water
absorbed
into dry land
to replenish
the thirst
momentarily
but never forever
but as sweat trickles down
i writhe
in the thought
that i could be anywhere
but here
in this four cornered room
thinking of
you
your life
that you've moved on with
into
somewhere
anywhere
but here...

On the edge of nowhere

How can one say that everything is through?
That life has concluded and its time to fall down on your knees to wish that what lies beyond this earth would be more pleasing.
Everyone, yes everyone has to go through this life with a heavy load on the back. Probably its the way this world works, or probably because we allow ourselves to be burdened too much by the fast paced lifestyles we have that we think so. But then the reality is, we all have troubles, we all have doubts, and nobody is perfect.
Perfection. Some would probably define it as seeing those faces on billboards, not a line on their foreheads, teeth all white, or perhaps a new pair of shoes, a gleaming new car or a beauty contestant answering World Peace.
We fail to realize that those faces that we see may just be beauty without attitude, those shoes may have killed a factory worker while it is being done, that car could have automotive defects, and the beauty contestant may just be answering World Peace not because she wants to but because it will give her the crown she's been dreaming on her head since birth.
The bottom line is,
nobody is perfect.
and sooner or later we all find ourselves near the edge.
or much worse,
on the edge
of nowhere.
Well wouldn't? Everybody has problems right?
Then again, we could stop ourselves from being on that edge.
If we accept that life with its own imperfections and scars could prove evidence of how we had lived to survive the years that had passed, then we would be a step off that edge.
If we try to act earlier instead of getting ourselves deep down with nothing to hold on to then we wouldn't be as confused and as out of direction as most of us are in right now.
I have my own share of falling into that nowhere, and its no piece of cake getting out. We fall because of our decisions, of our deeds. But then the past would always seem farther every second and if you look too far at it,it would probably just take you in with it.
I guess, we just have to believe we can get out in whatever problem it is we are in right now.
Yes, it all starts with believing.
Then nothing would be impossible.
And probably, yes probably, we'd find ourselves more on top with success in our hands than
falling
out
on the
edge of nowhere

no comment

a question asked

an answer kept

a curiousity intwined

to the smile you meant

but when it comes down

to questions deeper than this

you'd probably keep quiet

try to think before you miss

miss the hidden meaning

beside every word

miss the query inside

try acting like a nerd

and the only answer would be

a simple word or two

a no comment would suffice

believe me its true

they'd ask still

but then it would die down

unlike if you answer

and act like one clown

then it would come down

to phrases just like this
just like this
just like this

...
no comment