Saturday, September 23, 2006

like i've found one decent man on irc

it all starts with a "hi" or a "hello", and talking to an entirely unknown stranger would begin. today i talked to around 15 of them, and in the middle of conversations the issue of sex would usually be asked...turns out talking or chatting for some people is entirely about imagining yourself getting horny. don't get me wrong, probably some people just really do have needs they could not satisfy physically so they use the keyboard instead... (kidding). but with the entire hour of talking to people from different parts of the globe, i was really surprised to have stumbled on one who really was interesting to talk to.

based on the first paragraph one would think that person i found interesting would probably have talked about stuff other than sex. wrong. that was what we were talking about. but not the physical online sex that is. we talked about the aspect of being with another person, relationships and why men are different from women. and the whole Men are Mars, Women are from Venus kinda stuff. and come to think of it, there really is alot more to men and women that i just realized.

he was really this sensitive guy who had lots of questions only someone of the opposite sex could answer or perhaps clarify. like, if one night stands make a girl feel really bad...or does he have to say sorry or something if he doesnt impress a girl...or is it way much better if he stop fooling around and be serious for a change...and the answers are all up to him anyway. i told him that if it was clear in the first place for both him and the girl that it was just a one night stand then he has nothing to be guilty about. That if the girl feels bad, then she is not mature enough to have agreed on it in the first place. Don't get me wrong, am not that liberated, its just that if u both agreed beforehand then whats the drama about? With regards to the fooling around, I told him it would all be entirely up to him. Fooling around could be fun for some but when ur fooling around with the wrong individuals it could get pretty nasty and end up in spats and disagreements. When one decides to be serious about what he or she wants for a change, I believe then one has probably found what it is that he or she is looking for. Fooling around would then be just for kids.

Then again it all comes down to one thing. Our lives are determined by our decisions and our actions. No, we could not rewind it back, i say to him, but we could learn from whatever it is we've done wrong. One night stands and relationships all have something to do with those decisions, I may be telling him how I feel about such, but then again the decision would be up to him. Whew! I sounded really serious back there.

He was quiet then for awhile then asked me something.
Would i do it with him online?

Did i find one decent man on irc?

u be the judge.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Frogs on Anniversaries

Dos cervezas" he tells the woman on the counter.

The regular or the special, Senor?

The special...

Your eyes followed his gaze, towards the waitress who just took your orders. You smiled. He did too. He then cupped your face in his hand while brushing a strand of hair on your cheek, tracing the outline of your lips feeling the softness that lay there. You breathed heavily, and he drew you nearer into him, his smell a mixture of musk and soap. You slapped him playfully, but he continued still, until his lips graced your ear in a whisper to say...

Happy Anniversary Love...
Your body shivered as his lips found yours.

Here are your drinks Senor...

Slowly you moved away, smiled and looked down at the glass filled with wine. Had he forced you, it would have been simple for you to run away. But he didn't. It was your choice, and a year had gone since it had been.

Hey, are you all right?

You remained silent as your eyes glanced upon a man dining two tables away. You knew him...from a past you wanted to forget. His gaze met yours and you lowered your head.
If only the heart could be taught of whom to love then I guess you'd be less of a liar at this point. But then most of the time it has a will of its own. Despite any amount of reason, it closes its doors to the obvious and yearns for the impossible.

Yes, the impossible.
There have been countless times when you sat pathetic, hoping that the man who sat two tables away from you would look your way as much as your boyfriend is hoping you'd look into his.

Do you love me?
His words broke into your reverie. Holding your hands in his, his fingers ran along your skin. He thought he sensed fear.

Yes, you...
the words were faint, almost a whisper.

But he heard it and relaxed.

Its not that you don't love your boyfriend. he was someone who was always there when the other person wasn't. You were a fragile beauty he marked "special" ever since you met. In a year's time has made you feel less of a child and more of woman, a woman basking in attention and love. He is the epitome of someone who would sweep you off yor feet and into his arms.
The "other person" , on the other hand remains as distant and as mysterious as he always was. His eyes, a deep valley of questions never to be answered. But then he has made you feel special once. You floated high above the clouds. It was as if everything was real. And just when you were feeling so high, he burst your balloon and left you to fall back to earth.

Yes, he sent you to the dumps.
Your boyfriend's a prince.
The other one is a frog.
You lifted the glass to your lips, savored the liquids taste.

Then you stopped...paused...and thought...
if you had kissed the frog...

Would he have been your prince?


Somewhere but here

sweat trickles down
my back
like icicles melting
to succumb
to the force of
the earth that pulls
pulls it
its core
only to become
nothing more
like water
into dry land
to replenish
the thirst
but never forever
but as sweat trickles down
i writhe
in the thought
that i could be anywhere
but here
in this four cornered room
thinking of
your life
that you've moved on with
but here...

On the edge of nowhere

How can one say that everything is through?
That life has concluded and its time to fall down on your knees to wish that what lies beyond this earth would be more pleasing.
Everyone, yes everyone has to go through this life with a heavy load on the back. Probably its the way this world works, or probably because we allow ourselves to be burdened too much by the fast paced lifestyles we have that we think so. But then the reality is, we all have troubles, we all have doubts, and nobody is perfect.
Perfection. Some would probably define it as seeing those faces on billboards, not a line on their foreheads, teeth all white, or perhaps a new pair of shoes, a gleaming new car or a beauty contestant answering World Peace.
We fail to realize that those faces that we see may just be beauty without attitude, those shoes may have killed a factory worker while it is being done, that car could have automotive defects, and the beauty contestant may just be answering World Peace not because she wants to but because it will give her the crown she's been dreaming on her head since birth.
The bottom line is,
nobody is perfect.
and sooner or later we all find ourselves near the edge.
or much worse,
on the edge
of nowhere.
Well wouldn't? Everybody has problems right?
Then again, we could stop ourselves from being on that edge.
If we accept that life with its own imperfections and scars could prove evidence of how we had lived to survive the years that had passed, then we would be a step off that edge.
If we try to act earlier instead of getting ourselves deep down with nothing to hold on to then we wouldn't be as confused and as out of direction as most of us are in right now.
I have my own share of falling into that nowhere, and its no piece of cake getting out. We fall because of our decisions, of our deeds. But then the past would always seem farther every second and if you look too far at it,it would probably just take you in with it.
I guess, we just have to believe we can get out in whatever problem it is we are in right now.
Yes, it all starts with believing.
Then nothing would be impossible.
And probably, yes probably, we'd find ourselves more on top with success in our hands than
on the
edge of nowhere

no comment

a question asked

an answer kept

a curiousity intwined

to the smile you meant

but when it comes down

to questions deeper than this

you'd probably keep quiet

try to think before you miss

miss the hidden meaning

beside every word

miss the query inside

try acting like a nerd

and the only answer would be

a simple word or two

a no comment would suffice

believe me its true

they'd ask still

but then it would die down

unlike if you answer

and act like one clown

then it would come down

to phrases just like this
just like this
just like this

no comment